Birds of Mass Destruction

omg. this cracked me up today...
*****

With no word from Cheney, "The Daily Show" stands in

Dick Cheney still hasn't appeared in public to discuss his accidental
shooting of a 78-year-old man, but there are plenty of people willing
to speak on the veep's behalf -- among them, Comedy Central's Rob
Corddry. Playing the role of a "vice president firearms mishap
analyst," Corddry explained it all Monday night for "Daily Show" host
Jon Stewart:

Stewart: Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice
president handling it?

Corddry: Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision
to shoot Harry Whittington. According to the best intelligence
available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at
the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out
to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists
he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the
world is a better! place for his spreading buckshot throughout the
entire region of Mr. Whittington's face.

Stewart: But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird,
why would he still have shot him?

Corddry: Jon, in a post-9/11 world, the American people expect their
leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would
have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

Stewart: That's horrible.

Corddry: Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the
vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot
farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know "how" we're
hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in
that little "covey" of theirs.

Stewart: I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob.

Corddry: Well, whatever it is they do -- coo -- they're cooing at us
right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to
hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.

-- Tim Grieve from salon.com