Merry Merry

[Ted & Emma, 2009]

The holidays are a beautiful time of year for me. People seem more joyous. Sparkly lights are everywhere. The universe gives us permission to be more outwardly giving to those we love, whether in physical things or just saying I love you in a more conscious way. I love you. Thank you for being my friend, my sister, my mom...

Being a single woman at 40, with no family of her own can be interesting during the holidays. This year i really felt it. And before the "tsks" and "awws" come out of your mouth, let me say this... I LOVE my life. Yes, sometimes i feel pangs of the what ifs and the why nots, but really, this IS my life. I have consciously chosen it and I am so happy with these choices. I have family. Not the traditional type, but it's here, around me, love-filled, sometimes with drama and sometimes not.

I have two, now teenagers, whom I've helped raise from wee toddlers. One at UC Berkeley, one applying to the best colleges in the country. Two young adults who are sweet, creative, intelligent, ponderous, and funny and who talk to me beyond the superficial "good" and "yes" and "no" answers. They fill my heart up so much that it's sometimes hard to speak.

I have friends who, let's be honest, go beyond the limits of whatever we think of as friendship. They are my family. We travel this life together, talking through each step, contemplating each decision, reaction, emotion. I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, when this time of year arrives, I feel grateful to be allowed the space to sit and recognize this life I have created and to smile and raise a glass to it. I need not make any excuses. Why in the world would I do that? To make excuses is to negate a beautiful, conscious life!

Now, we just need to make more Lifetime holiday movies that represent this type, MY type, of "family". Times are changing. Having more things out there that reflect this would be awesome.

Merry SolstiKwanzaChrismakkah!